Can We Have it All?

We live in a world that tells us: you can have it all!

A fulfilling career. Quality time with your children. A calm, organised home with bi-fold doors. A vibrant social life. Rest. Health. Travel. Growth. All of it.

And when we find ourselves stretched thin, exhausted, or resentful that we don’t have it all, the message often becomes: you’re not trying hard enough.

But here’s the truth: you can’t have everything, and that’s not failure. It’s reality.

Trade-offs Are Not a Weakness

In life, every decision involves a trade-off. You might want to work part-time to be present for your children, but also want the freedom and financial comfort that comes with full-time income. You might dream of expensive holidays or a bigger house, but also want time, rest, and flexibility.

And you’re not wrong for wanting more; you’re human. But managing expectations, and coming to terms with what’s possible right now, is a key part of finding peace.

Letting go of the fantasy version of life comes with grief; the ache of recognising that choosing one thing often means not choosing another.

But grieving those possibilities allows you to live more fully in the life you do have, rather than constantly chasing the one you don’t.

Why Is This So Hard?

We’re taught from a young age to dream big, aim high, and never settle. Those aren’t inherently bad messages, but when mixed with societal pressure, comparison, and the myth of perfection, they become toxic and so unhelpful. They teach us that if we just try harder, organise better, and put in more work, we should be able to have it all.

And when we can’t, we turn on ourselves. We feel like we’re failing, not realising we’re trying to meet standards that no one can really reach.

So, What Can We Do Instead?

Here are four ways to manage expectations more realistically:

1. Acknowledge the trade-offs

There’s always a cost. More time may mean less money. More freedom might mean less stability. This isn’t about giving up, it's about growing up and making deliberate conscious choices, so that you’re not silently resenting what you didn’t choose.

2. Identify what matters most (for now)

Ask yourself; 'what are my priorities at this point in my life?' Not forever, just right now. Maybe it’s connection. Maybe it’s stability. Maybe it’s rest. When you name your values, your choices can align more easily.

3. Let go of comparison

Other people’s lives often appear more balanced, exciting, or successful, but you rarely see the compromises they’ve made. Stay in your own lane. Build a life that works for you, not one that impresses others.

4. Allow space for want, and acceptance

It’s okay to want things you can’t have right now. It’s okay to wish things were different. But you also don’t need to live resisting what is. Acceptance doesn’t mean you don’t care, it means you’re choosing to stop fighting reality.

You Don’t Have to Have It All to Live Well

You can live a truly fulfilling life without ticking every box. You can rest without guilt. You can prioritise what matters most to you without needing to be everything to everyone.

You are not behind. You are not failing. You are a human being living within real constraints, making real choices.

And sometimes, peace comes not from having more, but from letting go of the pressure to have it all.

You can't have it all, and that's just the way it is.

By Suzie Booth (Counsellor/Psychotherapist, MSC. MBACP Accred.)