Fatherhood Isn't Necessarily Easier. It's Just Different.

by Suzie Booth, Counsellor/Psychotherapist, MSC. MBACP Accred.

As Father's Day approaches, I've been thinking about the dads I work with...

The dads who desperately want to be present, rushing from work to school pick-up, lying awake at night worrying about money, their children, their relationships, and whether they're doing enough.

Because despite what many people assume, parenting is hard for dads too. In many ways, modern fatherhood asks men to do something previous generations never had to.

For years, fathers were largely expected to 'just' provide financially. Their success as a parent was measured by whether they could keep a roof over their family's head and food on the table.

Today's fathers are still expected to do that.

But now they're also expected to be emotionally available, attend school events, know the names of their children's friends, share the mental load, support their partner, manage bedtime routines, help with homework, and be actively involved in family life.

And that's a good thing. Most dads I meet want that relationship with their children.

The problem is that many workplaces, social expectations, and cultural messages haven't quite caught up.

I've spoken to countless fathers who feel guilty leaving work to do the school run.

Fathers who worry they'll be judged for asking for flexibility.

Fathers who feel caught between wanting to progress their careers and wanting to be present at home.

They're often trying to succeed in two worlds that can seem completely at odds with one another...

Be ambitious.

But don't miss sports day.

Provide financially.

But don't work too much.

Be present.

But don't let your career suffer.

It's a difficult balancing act.

A lot of dads also tell me they're not always sure where they fit. The parenting world can still feel heavily geared towards mothers. School communications are often directed to mums. Parenting groups are often attended by mums. Conversations about parenting struggles frequently focus on mothers' experiences.

Again, it's important that mothers receive support.

And dads need it too.

Many dads are navigating HUGE changes in identity, relationships, responsibilities, and confidence. They are figuring it out as they go along, just like everyone else. And because men are often socialised to solve problems rather than talk about them, many carry those worries silently...

The fear that they're getting it wrong.

The pressure to hold everything together.

The uncertainty about whether they're doing enough.

The feeling that they should be coping better.

What I wish more fathers knew is this:

If parenting feels hard, that doesn't mean you're failing. It means you're invested.

The dads who worry about being good fathers are usually the ones trying incredibly hard to be exactly that.

This Father's Day, I'd like to acknowledge the Dads who are showing up every day. The dads doing the school runs between meetings. The dads learning how to talk about feelings when nobody taught them how. The dads trying to balance work and family. The dads carrying responsibility they rarely speak about. The dads who sometimes feel lost, overwhelmed, or unsure of their place.

We see you.

Parenting is hard for you too.

And you deserve support, understanding, and compassion just as much as anyone else.