Your Couples Guide to Getting Through Christmas

by Suzie Booth, Counsellor/Psychotherapist (MSc. MBACP, accred.)

Last week we looked at surviving December personally. But Christmas is a strange time for many couples too. On the surface, it’s marketed as cosy, magical, joyful - matching pyjamas, twinkly lights, children’s excitement, a house full of warmth. But underneath, it can be one of the most stressful times of the year - extra mental load, financial pressure, extended family dynamics, disrupted routines, overtired children, travel plans, late nights, and the relentless sense that we 'should' be happy can quietly strain even the strongest relationships.

If you’ve ever found yourselves bickering more in December, feeling disconnected, or noticing tension rise as Christmas approaches, you’re not alone. This season asks a lot of couples. And with a little awareness and kindness (both towards yourselves and each other) it truly can bring you closer, not push you apart.

Here’s how to survive Christmas together… and maybe even enjoy it...

1. Name the Pressure Before It Builds

Most arguments during the festive season don’t actually start with the thing you’re arguing about, they start with pressure building in the background. Emotional load + practical load is at its peak in December. Gifts, school events, meal planning, travel, decorating, hosting, remembering who likes what… it’s A LOT.

We need to acknowledge this openly as a couple:

“This season is busy for both of us. Let’s be gentle with each other.”

Naming the pressure reduces the feeling that your partner is the problem, and puts the problem outside the relationship where it belongs.

2. Divide the Mental Load Intentionally (Not By Default)

Christmas has a way of amplifying existing patterns. If one partner usually holds more mental load, December can tip them into overwhelm. Instead of falling into default roles, have a short, clear conversation about what’s coming up and who will take charge of what.

Try the “You lead / I’ll support” model:

• “You lead on the kids’ presents. I’ll support by wrapping.”

• “You lead on Christmas food. I’ll support with the shop.”

• “You lead travel logistics. I’ll support by packing.”

  
  

This avoids resentment and makes each person’s role visible, not assumed. And someone is taking ownership of the thinking element.

3. Protect Your Couple Space

When every moment is taken up by kids, family, plans, and noise, couples often lose the moments of micro-connection that usually keep them steady.

Protecting your relationship doesn’t need a date night; think small:

• A cup of tea together when the kids are in bed

• A 10-minute debrief before you collapse on the sofa

• A morning hug that lasts longer than usual

• Watching one episode of something you both enjoy

  
  

Connection isn’t created in big gestures, it’s maintained in the tiny spaces you hold for each other.

4. Agree Your “Non-Negotiables”

Christmas conflict often comes from mismatched expectations. One partner wants a slow, cosy Christmas; the other wants to see all the family. One prioritises the children; the other prioritises traditions. One wants to host; the other wants a quiet day.

Sit down and each name three things that really matter to you this Christmas. These are your non-negotiables.

Maybe it’s:

• Time outdoors

• A calm Christmas morning

• Seeing your parents

• Not overscheduling

• A clean house before guests arrive

• A proper rest day

  
  

Then work out the flex around them. When couples know each other’s priorities, compromise feels collaborative and there's no resentment.

5. Expect Big Feelings, And Don’t Personalise Them

You might both feel more snappy, emotional or sensitive than usual. Fatigue, alcohol, sugar, late nights, and family history all play a role. Instead of assuming your partner is 'doing it on purpose', hold the idea that reactions often sit on top of exhaustion, overstimulation, or old family dynamics.

Try saying:

“I don’t think this is really about the wrapping paper. What’s feeling heavy for you right now?”

This shifts you into compassion rather than defence.

6. Create an “Exit Plan” for Stressy Moments

Every couple benefits from a simple plan for when overwhelm peaks, such as:

• A 10-minute breather alone

• Tag-teaming kids when one of you is boiling over

• A phrase that signals “I need a reset, not an argument”

• Going for a short walk

  
  

Think of this as emotional safety, not avoidance.

7. Remember You’re On the Same Team

Christmas can make couples feel like project managers instead of partners. But you are not opponents trying to get through competing to-do lists; you’re a team trying to navigate a demanding season with limited capacity.

Notice each other’s efforts.

Say thank you often.

Lean into humour.

Let good enough be good enough.

Surviving Christmas as a couple isn’t about creating a perfect season, it’s about staying connected in an imperfect one. If you approach the season with shared compassion, honest communication, and realistic expectations, Christmas can become less of a pressure cooker and more of a chance to strengthen your bond.