When Christmas Doesn’t Feel How You Hoped: Coping with Disappointment as a Parent

by Suzie Booth, Counsellor/Psychotherapist (MSc. MBACP accred).

Christmas carries so many expectations; the cosy moments, the magical memories, the happy children, the calm and connected family time. We picture the version we hope for. Then the reality arrives; overtired little ones, family tensions, changes of plan, illness, financial pressure, or just the sheer mental load of making it all happen.

And for many parents, that gap between what you imagined and what actually happens can feel like disappointment, sadness, guilt, or even a sense of failure.

So be prepared for this feeling this year, you’re not alone - and you are not doing anything wrong.

Why disappointment at Christmas hits harder

We build Christmas in our minds for weeks and week, months even. The pressure comes at us from every angle; social media, family traditions, the societal push to 'make memories' and the stories we grew up with. So we go in with big expectations, and often, very little capacity.

Disappointment hits harder because Christmas is loaded with meaning. We want it to feel special for our children. We want connection. We want to feel joyful. And when the day (or the whole season) feels messy, stressful, emotional, or chaotic, it can bring up some uncomfortable feelings:

• “I’ve failed.”

• “Everyone else is having a better time.”

• “I’ve let my children down.”

• “This shouldn’t feel like this.”

But here’s the truth... Christmas is a real day, with real families, real emotions, and real limitations.

You are human. Your children are human. And real life never fits perfectly into the version imagined in our heads.

Three grounding reminders for when Christmas feels disappointing

1. The imperfect moments are not failures, they are normal

Your child melting down, you feeling overstimulated, plans going sideways… this is not evidence of doing something wrong. This is what happens when humans with needs, histories, emotions, and expectations come together under pressure.

2. Lowering expectations isn’t “giving up”; it’s making space for reality

A simpler Christmas is not a lesser Christmas. Often, the moments we remember most are the small ones - sitting together with a hot drink, a quiet cuddle after a long day, watching your child open one loved gift. If you scale back, adjust plans, or prioritise rest, you’re not failing, you’re responding to what’s real.

3. Your children don’t need magic, they need you

They don’t need perfection. They don’t need everything to run smoothly. They don’t need every tradition, every activity, every plan. What they do need is a parent who is present enough to connect, and not perfectly. That can look like:

• a soft tone after a difficult hour

• opting for an easy dinner

• slowing the pace when things feel too much

• allowing yourself to take five minutes to breathe

  
  

These are gifts, too, and they matter more than you think.

If Christmas didn’t feel how you imagined…

Let this be your permission slip to release the pressure. You don’t have to create a magical Christmas; you’re allowed to simply be in it.

Ask yourself:

• What actually matters to me and my family this Christmas?

• What can be let go of?

• What small pocket of goodness can I create today, even if they're tiny?

Sometimes, the most meaningful moments arrive when we stop trying to force the day to be perfect and start noticing the ordinary bits of connection that were there all along.