The Power of Vulnerability in Relationships

by Suzie Booth, Counsellor/Psychotherapist (MSc. MBACP accred.)

When we think about what makes relationships thrive, words like trust, communication, and intimacy often come to mind. But underneath all of these sits something more tender and often more frightening; vulnerability.

Without it, we might still have a relationship, but it will often feel shallow, disconnected, or fragile. With it, relationships can deepen into spaces of true closeness, resilience, and growth.

Why Vulnerability Matters

At its heart, vulnerability is about allowing ourselves to be seen; fully and authentically. That means sharing our fears, insecurities, longings, and even the parts of ourselves we worry might be shameful or not be “enough.” In relationships, this is what builds real intimacy.

It is easy to share our strengths or successes, but letting someone see our softer edges, the uncertainty, the pain, the places we struggle, that is where trust is forged. When we are vulnerable, we give our partner permission to be vulnerable too. Together, we create a safe emotional space where both people can lay down their armour.

And here’s the key: only when we are truly seen can we feel truly accepted. If we only show the polished, filtered parts of ourselves, we might receive approval, but deep down, it doesn’t feel real. Acceptance lands differently when our flaws, fears, and truths are also welcomed. That is what allows us to exhale, to relax into love, and to know we are valued for who we are, not for who we pretend to be.

Research backs this up. Brené Brown describes vulnerability as “the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity.” In other words, everything we most want from our relationships is on the other side of our willingness to take the risk of being open.

The Risks and Fears

It’s natural to resist vulnerability. Many of us learned early on that showing emotion could lead to rejection, shame, or hurt. We may fear that if we reveal too much, our partner will think less of us, pull away, or even use it against us in conflict.

And yes, vulnerability always carries some risk. There is no guarantee that when we share, we will be perfectly met or safe. But the alternative, keeping our walls high and our hearts guarded, often creates loneliness, even inside a relationship.

What Vulnerability Looks Like in Practice

Vulnerability doesn’t have to mean pouring everything out all at once. It can be small moments of honesty and openness, like:

Saying, “I felt hurt when you didn’t call back, I started to worry I don’t matter.”

Admitting, “I’m scared about money right now and I don’t know what to do.”

Asking for comfort: “Could you just cuddle me? I’m feeling really low today.”

Sharing hopes: “I dream of us moving in together, even if it feels far off right now.”

These are not signs of weakness, they are signs of courage.

They tell your partner, “I trust you enough to let you see the real me.”

Building a Culture of Vulnerability

Healthy vulnerability is mutual. If only one partner is consistently open while the other stays defended, imbalance and frustration can grow. Building a culture of vulnerability means practicing together; listening with empathy, responding with care, and showing appreciation when your partner shares something sensitive.

It also means respecting boundaries. Vulnerability should never be forced; it needs to be chosen and met with compassion. Over time, these small acts of courage accumulate, weaving together a relationship that feels not just secure, but deeply fulfilling and joyful.

Vulnerability may feel risky, but without it, relationships remain stuck on the surface. When you dare to share your fears, longings, and truths, you invite your partner into the most intimate space of all: your authentic self. And it is there, in that space of raw openness, that love can truly take root and grow.