Supporting Yourself and Others When Grieving

by Suzie Booth, Counsellor/Psychotherapist, MSc. MBACP (accred.)

Grief is one of the hardest things we will ever go through. When you’re grieving, even the basics of looking after yourself can feel impossible. Motivation slips away, energy is low, and sometimes it feels like nothing matters. Yet, taking small steps to care for yourself during this time is not only important, it’s essential.

This article explores ways you can gently support yourself when you’re grieving, as well as how you can support someone else who is going through loss.

Looking After Yourself When You’re Grieving

Face Your Feelings

In the early stages of grief, denial can act as a protective shield. It helps us cope with the initial shock. But if denial lingers, it can prevent us from beginning the healing process. At some point, we have to face our feelings, however painful they may be. This courage opens the door to movement and recovery.

Express Your Emotions Creatively

Grief can feel overwhelming, and sometimes words alone don’t capture it. Try channeling your feelings into something tangible:

• Journaling or writing letters to the person you’ve lost (letters you don’t have to send).

• Creating a scrapbook or photo album.

• Supporting a cause that mattered to your loved one.

  
  

These activities help give shape to your grief and allow it to move through you, rather than staying locked inside.

Hold On to Your Hobbies and Routines

Routine is grounding. Even when it feels hard, try to keep doing small things that bring you comfort, joy, or connection. A walk, a hobby, a chat with a friend; these don’t erase grief, but they can steady you.

Honour Your Own Grieving Style

Grief is deeply personal. No two experiences are the same, even for the same person at different points in life. Some may return to work within weeks; others may need much longer. Your way is the right way for you. Resist comparing yourself to others, or letting others dictate how you “should” be feeling.

Plan Ahead for Triggers

Certain dates or moments; birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, even unexpected songs or smells, can bring grief crashing back. Rather than being caught off guard, plan for these days. Ask yourself:

• Do I want company, or do I want solitude?

• Do I want to mark the day with ritual, or move through it as normally as possible?

Having a plan won’t remove the pain, but it can make it feel more manageable.

Care for Your Body

Your mind and body are interconnected. When you nurture your body, you give your emotions a better chance of coping. As much as you can:

• Prioritise sleep.

• Eat nourishing food.

• Move your body, even gently.

• Avoid relying on alcohol or drugs to numb the pain.

  
  

Looking after yourself physically won’t erase grief, but it will help you feel steadier in the storm.

Supporting Someone Else Who is Grieving

Supporting someone through grief can feel like walking on eggshells. We worry: Do I bring it up, or stay silent? Will I upset them, or do they want to talk? The uncertainty can leave us feeling helpless and paralysed. Here are some ideas...

Be Present, Not Perfect

You don’t need the perfect words. In fact, there are no perfect words. What matters most is showing up. Let them know you’re there, whether they want to talk about the loss repeatedly, or whether they need space.

Many grieving people stop talking because they fear they’re “boring” others. Don’t let them feel that way with you. Listening, without rushing to fix or cheer them up, can be the greatest gift.

Offer Practical Help

Grief often comes with overwhelming tasks; planning funerals, handling finances, finding housing, or updating CVs. Practical support can lift a huge burden. Offer something specific: cooking a meal, handling paperwork, babysitting, or simply running errands.

Accept That Grief Doesn’t End

Grief isn’t something to “get over.” It changes, softens, and evolves, but it doesn’t vanish. Avoid phrases like “Isn’t it time to move on?” Instead, understand that your role is to walk alongside someone as they adjust to life with grief as part of it.

Be Patient with Changing Needs

One day, your support might feel comforting; the next, it might spark anger. Grief often comes with raw emotions, including irritability or rage. Be prepared for mistakes, for saying the wrong thing, for tears or silence. What matters is that you stay, adapt, and continue to show care.

Takeaway Thought

Whether you’re grieving yourself or supporting someone else, remember: grief has no set timetable and no single “right” way. Looking after yourself, or being a steady presence for someone else, doesn’t mean taking away the pain. It means acknowledging it, allowing space for it, and making sure that in the midst of loss, no one feels completely alone.