Anger Management: Triggers, Reactions, and Responses

Suzie Booth
Jul 14
3 min read

We have explored what anger is, why we feel it and how we express it. This week, I want to break down how we can manage it. There are three key areas that can make all the difference when anger begins to build:

Your Trigger Point
Your Physical Reaction
Your Emotional or Cognitive Response

Let’s look at how each of these can help you manage anger in a healthier way where you are more in control:

1. Recognise Your Trigger Points

Your trigger point is the moment your emotional response begins. It’s the spark that lights the fuse. The more aware you are of what typically sets off your anger, the more chance you have to intervene early.

Triggers might include:

Feeling disrespected
Experiencing a sense of injustice
Seeing someone else being mistreated
Being stuck in a stressful situation you feel you can't change
Feeling ignored, dismissed, or overwhelmed

By learning to anticipate your triggers, you can start noticing those early warning signs; like your heart racing, your jaw clenching, or a rush of tension through your body. That awareness alone can buy you a crucial pause before anger takes over.

2. Soothe the Physical Response

Once your body starts reacting, the goal is to signal safety; letting it know it doesn’t need to keep escalating. When we feel threatened or angry, our nervous system shifts into high alert. But there are ways to gently bring it back down:

Breathing techniques: Focus on making your out-breath longer than your in-breath. This helps activate the parasympathetic nervous system; the one responsible for calming you.
Mindfulness and visualisation: Grounding exercises, guided meditations, or even just focusing on a small, neutral detail in your surroundings can bring your attention away from the source of your anger.
Safe release: Sometimes, your body needs a release. Try screaming into a pillow, ripping up a (non-important!) piece of paper, or knocking over a pile of cushions. These small acts can be cathartic without causing harm.

3. Engage Your Mind and Emotions

The final piece is your emotional and cognitive response, essentially, what you tell yourself about what’s happening, and how you choose to act.

When anger is high, rational thinking can go offline. This is why we often say or do things we regret. The key here is buying time so your brain can re-engage.

Some ideas:

Pause and count to ten
Remove yourself from the situation temporarily
Resist the urge to follow someone who’s walked away during an argument; they may be trying to calm down, not avoid you

During this pause, challenge any “always/never” thinking. For example: “This always happens” → Does it really always happen, or just sometimes? “I never get what I need” → Is it never, or just right now?

This kind of reframing helps lower emotional intensity and makes space for a more balanced perspective.

If you're someone who struggles to feel anger at all, this step is just as important. It’s about checking in with yourself: What part of this situation might actually justify anger? What’s your role, and what’s someone else’s role? Giving yourself permission to feel angry doesn’t make you unkind. It makes you human.

Talk About It

Sometimes the most helpful thing is simply putting words to what you feel. That might mean speaking directly to the person who upset you (when you're ready), or it could mean talking to someone impartial: a friend, family member, or therapist.

This can be especially important if anger brings up feelings of shame or embarrassment. A safe, confidential space to unpack what’s underneath your anger can be transformative.

If you’re looking for a therapist, here are some good places to start:

And you're always welcome to contact me here

Final Thoughts

Anger isn’t the enemy. It’s a signal, often trying to tell us something important. When we learn to work with it rather than against it, we don’t just reduce conflict. We reclaim a sense of control, compassion, and clarity.

By Suzie Booth, Counsellor/Psychotherapist (MSc. MBACP)