Understanding Anger: Why We Feel It and What to Do With It

I want to talk about something we all experience, but many of us find difficult to understand or express: anger.

Anger is one of our primary emotions. It’s just as natural as happiness, sadness, or fear. We all feel it, and it shows up in many forms; from mild irritation to full-blown rage. The key message? Anger is normal, appropriate, and useful.

What Is Anger, Really?

At its core, anger is a protective response. It’s part of the body’s fight, flight, or freeze system; our built-in way of reacting to perceived threats. Just like anxiety, anger activates the amygdala, the part of the brain that processes emotion and danger signals. When this system is triggered, our bodies flood with stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol, causing:

• Increased heart rate and blood pressure

• Rising body temperature

• Tense muscles (clenched fists, tight jaw)

• Narrowed focus on whatever caused the anger

  
  

This response is powerful, and it doesn’t fade quickly. In fact, it takes time for our nervous system to settle down. During this heightened state, it’s also difficult to form new memories, which is why people often struggle to recall the details of a heated argument.

How Do We Calm Down?

Thankfully, we have another part of our brain that steps in: the prefrontal cortex. This area, just behind your forehead, is responsible for emotional regulation, judgement, and helping us bring our feelings back into proportion.

The prefrontal cortex helps us slow down, reflect, and re-engage with what really matters, rather than just reacting.

Why Do We Get Angry?

Anger serves an important purpose. It’s not just about confrontation; it’s about protection, boundary-setting, and motivation.

When we feel angry, it’s often because:

• Something feels unfair or unjust

• Our needs aren’t being met

• We feel disrespected or dismissed

• We’re overwhelmed or under-supported

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Anger helps us separate from what's harmful, stand up for ourselves, and take action. It’s our body’s way of saying: “Something needs to change.”

The Problem Isn’t Anger; It’s What We Do With It

Anger only becomes a problem when it’s not expressed in a helpful way. Unchecked, it can lead to shouting, aggression, or withdrawal. But when we understand our anger, we can begin to work with it, rather than be controlled by it.

In the coming blog posts in the next few weeks, we’ll explore:

• Common anger triggers

• How anger shows up in our bodies and behaviours

• Practical ways to soothe the nervous system

• How to strengthen the prefrontal cortex to regulate responses

  
  

You deserve to feel your feelings and stay connected to yourself and others in the process.

by Suzie Booth

Counsellor/Psychotherapist MSc. MBACP Accred.